Well planned rules and boundaries are extremely important to successfully navigate the hotwife lifestyle as a couple. Determining and setting rules to be followed, as well as boundaries, are an important first step to becoming a hotwife couple. It takes thoughtfulness, trust, and open communications between both the hotwife to be and her spouse.
I have gathered several examples of boundaries and rules that are based on common practices in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. Of course, you will need to mold and tailor any rules or boundary suggestions in this article to fit your own unique relationship. Use these suggestions for boundaries and rules as a means to spark ideas and communication between the two of you concerning hotwifing.
A Great Hotwife Lifestyle Relationship Starts off With Open and Honest Communications
Let’s start off on the right foot when taking your journey toward a successful hotwife relationship by having open and honest communications with each other. This step is probably the most important rule a husband and wife should have anyway. It’s even more important for a hotwife relationship to flourish and not become destructive. You want to add fun and excitement to your marriage, not destroy it.
Both partners must discuss their hotwife desires, expectations, and any concerns before the first hotwife experience. These communications should also be kept open throughout the hotwife relationship.
The two of you need to ensure that both of you are always on the same page. This helps to keep the marriage growing and not dying. You want to clear up any misunderstandings or feelings of jealousy, envy, or resentment as quickly and early as possible. Never let things build up inside either of you. A hotwife relationship should benefit both the wife and the husband.
You should keep open and honest communications going throughout your hotwife lifestyle journey.
Set Mutual Consent Rules in the Hotwife Relationship
You both need to sit down and make a decision whether you are going to have a mutual consent rule or not. A mutual consent rule is that no hotwife sexual encounters happen without explicit agreement between you and your partner. Having a mutual consent rule helps to build trust between you and your partner while exploring the hotwife dynamic. Both partners should feel comfortable with who the hotwife sexually plays with.
If you decide that you don’t need a mutual consent rule, it would still be best to revisit this topic from time to time. One or both of you may change your mind and find that the two of you would benefit from having a mutual consent rule.
Even with a mutual consent rule in place, you can always bend the rule from time to time if both of you agree. For example, she is on a business trip and has the urge to pursue a hotwife encounter. In my opinion since both partners have discussed this boundary crossing as OK from time to time, it’s still really mutual consent.
So, at a minimum at least determine under what conditions she can break the mutual consent rule.
Set Firm Veto Power Rules While Hotwifing
I personally feel this is an extremely important rule to set while exploring the hotwife lifestyle. See if you agree or disagree with me. Set a rule so each partner has final veto rights. Either the hotwife or husband can veto a decision the other makes about sexual encounters without the need to explain why.
This will help to preserve the individual’s rights and for neither partner to ever feel pressured into agreeing with a sexual encounter they are not 100% comfortable with.
Let’s say the man introduces another man to his wife that has shown interest in her sexually. If she is not sexually attracted to him, or just does not want to pursue sexual relations with him, she always has the right to say no.
Now, let’s say the woman has found a man she would love to go out on a date with, but her husband has a gut feeling that he is nothing but trouble. He has the right to tell her no.
Even though this rule is not required to have a successful hotwife relationship, it sure can help when something just feels off or the hotwife really has no interest in the other man.
Determine Safe Sex Boundaries and Rules for the Hotwife
Especially since the hotwife will most likely be having sexual encounters with strangers, or guys she may not know all that well, it’s extremely important to set the ground rules concerning safe sex.
Will you or the hotwife insist that condoms are used? Will she use some other form of protection? While we are talking safe sex, will she use some form of birth control?
Make sure that both of you are in total agreement about safe sex boundaries and rules while she is hotwifing.
Determine and Set Partner Selection Rules for the Hotwife
Determine the rules about sexual partner selection. Will she only be having sexual encounters with strangers? Business travelers? Will she steer clear of having sexual encounters with coworkers or mutual friends? Will both of you need to approve of a new sexual partner first?
The goal here is to help prevent emotional complications in personal and professional circles. It will also help with other emotional concerns. For example, if the hotwife tends to get emotionally attached to a specific type of sexual partner, will the two of you decide to limit those encounters, or possibly eliminate those encounters from possible sexual partner selection?
Set Time and Place Rules for Hotwife Sexual Encounters
The two of you may want to set rules and boundaries about when and where a hotwife sexual encounter can happen. Here are some examples to start up your conversation about time and place rules.
- Never in our shared home.
- Have hotwife encounters only on the weekends.
- The husband will be made aware of any place where a sexual encounter may happen.
- Only after both the hotwife and husband has approved of the time and place.
These rules help the two of you to keep your primary relationship’s space and time sacred if desired. It also lets the husband know where the hotwife plans to be if something goes wrong. For example, she does not show up back at home by the predetermined time. Or is not answering text messages for an extended amount of time.
Discuss and Set Emotional Boundaries for Hotwifing
Emotions are hard to predict, but for a healthy hotwife relationship, they do need to be monitored closely. You want to enhance your relationship, not destroy it. For this reason, it’s usually best to establish rules and boundaries considering emotions.
For example, if the hotwife develops strong emotions for men she sleeps with easily, you could set a rule that she can only have sex with a specific person once, or just a few times. Then she must move on to another extramarital lover.
Another example would be that the hotwife can only have sexual contact with business travelers, or tourists. This way she is basically only having one-night-stands.
She must agree to inform her husband if she does start developing emotions for another man as soon as she is aware of them. This way the two of you can determine what would be best to do.
Setting rules and boundaries concerning emotions lets both of you focus on your primary relationship and helps to avoid jealousy or attachment issues.
Now don’t confuse her developing a deep friendship with falling in love with him. Two different types of emotions. One is fine while the other could be a disaster.
Set Check-in Protocols for the Hotwife While on Dates
I feel this is a must have rule for hotwifing both during and after her sexual encounter. Let’s start off by looking at checking in during a sexual encounter.
The husband needs to know that his wife is safe at all times. You could set a rule that she quickly texts you the moment she is with the other man.
If possible, she should on occasion excuse herself to the lady’s room and shoot the husband a quick text just saying something like, “going great.”
She should also make contact with her husband when she leaves to head to a new location or home. This way he knows where she is going if something does go wrong.
Now, let’s look at checking in once she arrives home or returns to her husband at a different location. A hotel for example.
Now it’s time for the two of you to discuss what was hopefully a great sexual encounter for her. If possible, she should tell her husband all the details about the date with another man. Also discuss any feelings, concerns, or unexpected emotions either of you have. This helps to reassure the husband and make him feel included in her extra marital encounters.
Now, it’s time for that wonderful and usually very passionate sex while her husband is reclaiming her. This usually very intense reclaiming sex helps to reinforce the bond between you and your spouse.
Discuss and Set Privacy and Discretion Rules About Your Hotwife Relationship
Depending on the amount of privacy the two of you prefer, you may want to set rules about who knows that the two of you are in the hotwife lifestyle. Do you want to let close friends know? How about acquaintances? Who do you want to know about your chosen lifestyle, and who do you not want to know?
This rule can help the two of you to protect your personal reputation and ensure comfort with who you do let know about your hotwife lifestyle.
Many hotwife couples only let the men she dates know about it. Some don’t even let the men she dates know about it at all. This can be beneficial if the two of you like to fantasize that she is cheating on her husband. The cheating scenario can sometimes make the sex between her and a stranger more intense for both of them.
Determine and Set Frequency Limits if Any to Hotwifing
You also need to decide how often the wife can engage with other men. Are you both comfortable with her having sex with other men, once a week, once a month, only on specific occasions, or only while on vacation? Or maybe the two of you are comfortable with her having sexual encounters outside the marriage more often. A few times a week, weekends only, or weekdays only? Are the two of you secure enough for her to have sex with other men as often as she wants? Will she be allowed to have unlimited hotwife adventures anytime, anyplace the opportunity hits?
Sit down and really discuss this and come up with any frequency limits that work for both of you. This rule can help with balancing your own personal life with the hotwife life.
Determine Involvement Level of Husband in Hotwifing Matters
Sine there is many degrees of hotwifing, it’s important to determine how much involvement the husband will have with his wife while they live the hotwife lifestyle. Sit down and discuss this with each other and make sure you are both comfortable with the level of the husband’s involvement with her hotwifing.
Will the husband not be involved at all except to encourage her? Will the husband watch her and the other man from a distance while they are on a date? Will the husband be present in the room or be remotely viewing the room while the hotwife and her date are having sex? Will the hotwife tell the husband in detail about her dates? Will the husband participate in threesomes with her and her date?
Really determine what comfort levels both of you have concerning the husband’s level of involvement.
Determine an Exit Strategy for Hotwifing
Not all couples are right for the hotwife lifestyle. Some jump in headfirst and go full speed ahead without any real planning. Some give it a try and find out that it’s not for them. Some discover that it’s not what they thought it would be. This is why it’s important for the two of you to have an exit strategy. Regardless of how much the two of you want to be a hotwife couple.
You need to set a firm rule that either of you can pause or end your hotwife adventures at any time. If either of you begins to feel that the hotwife lifestyle just does not feel right anymore, that you will go back to being the couple you were before you gave hotwifing a try.
You need to keep your relationship flexible and prioritize both your emotional well-being. So, plan that exit strategy before you even venture out on the first hotwife encounter.
Final Thoughts About Setting Boundaries and Rules in a Hotwife Relationship
Here are several things the two of you should keep in mind while exploring the world of hotwifing.
The boundaries and rules the two of you set concerning hotwifing should reflect your unique values, comfort levels, and goals. What works for one couple may not work for another.
Your rules and boundaries concerning the hotwife lifestyle will most likely evolve over time as the two of you gain experience pursuing the hotwife life. Don’t hesitate to change them as your hotwife relationship grows over time.
Always strive to keep open and honest communications going between the two of you. This will help to keep jealousy in check and help to prevent the two of you from neglecting your primary relationship.
The hotwife lifestyle can bring the two of you closer together, or it can push you apart. Setting good rules and boundaries will help with the former and hopefully prevent you from moving towards the latter.
